A Shared Life....
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
The Career Business Executive & The Social WorkerCareer Business Executive ....Lives business...thinks of everything through the business perspective.....Falls in love with a girl he thinks of as 'The social worker".....Becomes worried that she will become encaged in his relentless pursuit of business...saddened that he may never be able to engage in a fruitful discussion of her social work interests..
This is ....in some parts my own story..My wife's a doctor( the kindest soul that I know) and I am a passionate business management guy( a results driven achievement oriented guy according those who know me )..
There are only two ways to go about this dilemma
Option 1 - >Both individuals accept that some of their interests do not match & allow for the time and space to pursue those independently.
Option 2 -> Each of you tries to develop an interest in the other person's passion for the sake of what you have committed to...Yes, it does take effort and it may not always work out...but atleast you will have the satisfaction of having tried and your partner will appreciate your efforts!
The one thing I have learnt in my relationship - "Never extrapolate individual events into anything meaningful " . You cannot make a relationship work by suspending it on strings of idealogies and opinions.
My point - You dont marry anyone because you think you will be able to talk forever about topics and discuss idealogies...Marriage is not about what you like and dont like, what you can talk about and what you cant, what you eat and what you dont...
Agreed that you cannot ignore the practicalities of life...But who ever realised a dream by letting practicalities limit them....The dream of married life is to build a wonderful relationship by surmounting the practical challenges and walking together as a team!
Now..for the social worker part, Profit pursuit does not necessary have to be at the expense of social interests!
Gandhi, Buddha or Martin Luther King , they were business leaders too....The work that they did is today studied by leading business schools as monumental leadership training....They did just the same thing that every business aspires to - " To take an idea, build a system around it and passionately encourage the world to believe in that idea "
Marketing, Operations, Strategy, HRM.....these are just the tools to achieve that goal.
Business Management is Social work...It is a mechanism of evolving, developing & increasing value, effectiveness and efficiency in the society..it is a mechanism to ensure that the society gets maximum benefit ..A business cannot operate in isolation from society!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Do men change after marriage?" Do men change after marriage? or remain the same? if they change for good then its good but if vice a versa or they don't change, then its a problem:( "
Depends on what you want to change and how you try to bring on that change...But more importantly..how important that change is, to your life together as partners ! It is not that men inherently don't like change...I don't even think that this is a gender issue...The problem is always with the definition of what is 'good '?
If your partner is in the relation with some level of commitment..you can use your intelligence, charms or anything else that is a point of interest for the partner. I know i sound corny and manipulative when I say that...but what is the harm in giving your partner an incentive to change...
Sometimes people change after marriage without the realization that they have changed...Some like that realization...some don't realize and some remain uncomfortable with that realization..
We all change through the process of growing older...The world around us changes..Our partners change us too...The question is - Is this a proactive change or a defensive change?
If you think your partner needs to change, ask yourself these questions!
- Do I & my partner agree on what's important in our shared life? Is the order of priorities and the impact that we expect similar?
- What is this 'change' that I expect from my partner ? Write it down in clear words.
- What does this 'change' require my partner to do ? How will I know that my partner has changed?
- Why should my partner change ? What are the positives of this change? And what are the negatives of 'changing' & also of 'not changing' ?
- How do you think you can support your partner to encourage them to change? What are the things you will do to help your partner change?
- Does this change really matter ? How will it affect you if your partner is unable to change?
- Your partner may have an inability to change or an unwillingness to change..What do you think is the issue - An ability issue or an attitude issue?
If it is an ability issue - Can you help him/her gain the required skills need to change?
If it is an attitude issue - Can you help alter the partner's priorities ? What are the incentives that your partner has to continue their current behavior? Can you affect those incentives? Can you provide another incentive that is more important to or more desired by your partner?
Some people like to change because their partner wants the change...some like to change because the change is perceived as needed by themselves.
Marriage is about a commitment to do what is required to maintain the beauty and balance of your relationship ...If you can discuss and prioritize on the changes needed, you can achieve a lot of results...
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Why all this curiosity to generalise relationships ?Why all this curiosity to generalise relationships ?
What I want from a partner can be different from what another person may want.....Long distance or no distance, the relation you share with your partner is just yours...
A long distance relation is not the same as the no distance relation...then why bother with comparison!
One cannot have multiple priorities at a single moment in time...those who cherish long distance relations are prioritising their need for achievement and professional success over the need to have a partner by their side! Ofcourse, for some that is not a choice, it is the need!
Love is one need of life...it does not complete life!
Monday, July 10, 2006
.....On the road again" he tries to please them all
this bitter man he is
throughout his life the same
he's battled constantly
this fight he cannot win
a tired man they see no longer cares "
.......Sarees...shirts..meals...jewelry..halls....relatives..more relatives..gifts...rituals...money..more money...visiting people...trying to swing into a 'public' happiness that's as scary as a pubic shave....looking for happiness in things I never thought I'do...believing that someone will be happy...some are happy...some are not...and I dont know the feelings that are being fought. I am not God..and I am not Santa Claus....
"Later in the evening as you lie awake in bed,
With the echo from the amplifiers ringing in your head,
You smoke the days last cigarette, remembering what she said. "
.........the splits personalities of time & space maul my mind like a cornered cat..the claws hurt, for I am the one that sharpened them....
Husband ..wife...groom..bride...mother..father....uncles..aunts...brothers..sisters..friends.....who am i....running through this melee...All I want is moments of calm with my angel....
"Say, here I am, on the road again. there I am, up on the stage.
Here I go, playing star again.
There I go, turn the page."
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Four years ago.....Four years ago....on a rain drenched evening..through the window of Indrayani express..I had seen...
the hope that your hands will hold mine as rain drops slip through our palms...
the dream that someday we will walk together in our dreams...
the light shine through the nape of your neck as I wake up on an autumn morning...
the absolute perfection of silence as we spoke through our eyes....
A month shall settle in..as our shared steps turn a four year old blanket of thoughts into wings of matrimony......Angel...I love you.